Parenting Through the Exhaustion: How to Use Energy Drain from Love and Logic
- Jessica Cody
- 4 days ago
- 3 min read
If you’re a parent, you know the kind of exhaustion that seeps into your bones—not because you ran a marathon or stayed up all night working—but because your child has argued with you for the 12th time today. Or because they flat-out ignored your instructions. Or because a simple request somehow turned into a dramatic meltdown.
Parenting is emotionally taxing, and sometimes what drains us most isn’t the task itself—it’s the energy required to manage constant resistance, conflict, and big feelings.
Love and Logic offers a powerful, compassionate tool for moments like these: Energy Drain.
What Is Energy Drain?
Energy Drain is a Love and Logic strategy that teaches children responsibility, empathy, and problem-solving in a calm, respectful way. Instead of lecturing, yelling, or giving long consequences, parents simply explain that the child’s behavior has drained their energy—and that the child is responsible for finding a way to restore it.
This method:
Reduces power struggles
Encourages children to repair relationships
Teaches kids that their actions affect others
Helps parents respond with calm and empathy
How to Use Energy Drain
When the unwanted behavior occurs, the parent responds with empathy first, not frustration. For example:
“Oh man, this is disappointing! When you (describe the behavior) it really drains my energy. How are you going to put it back?”
Then stop talking and wait. Silence is your friend.
Most kids will stare blankly or say, “I don’t know!”
That’s when you calmly reply:
“Do you want me to give you some ideas?”
If they say yes, you offer choices—not commands. They get to pick how they will restore your energy.
What Can Kids Do to Restore Energy?
The goal isn’t punishment. The goal is repair, reconnection, and learning responsibility. Energy-restoring options might include:
Small Kids
Helping with a simple chore (dusting, sorting laundry, wiping counters)
Drawing a picture or writing a note of apology
Giving you 15–20 minutes of quiet time to rest
Reading quietly or playing independently while you reset
Selling their toys to pay for a babysitter
Elementary & Pre-Teen
Doing an extra household task (vacuuming, taking out trash, cleaning the car)
Entertaining younger siblings for a bit while you rest
Helping with dinner prep
Declaring a “peace and quiet” hour
Paying for their own babysitter
Teens
Cooking dinner that night
Doing an extra chore
Giving you private decompression time
Running an errand
Why It Works
Energy Drain builds emotional intelligence and problem-solving skills because children learn to:
Take ownership for the impact of their behavior
Repair instead of escalate conflict
See parents as human beings with needs and feelings
Practice empathy and responsibility in real-life ways
It also helps parents step out of the exhausting cycle of arguing, repeating instructions, and issuing threats—responding instead in a calm, confident, and relational way.
Want to learn more?
Watch this helpful Love and Logic video explaining Energy Drain:
Final Thoughts
"You don’t have to show up to every argument you are invited to" (Love and Logic), and you don’t have to match your child’s intensity. Parenting is already hard—Energy Drain gives you permission to set boundaries without sacrificing connection. It’s a way to say:
“I love you too much to argue. Your choices matter. And we’re going to work together to make this right.” (Love and Logic)
If you’re exhausted, you’re not alone—and tools like Energy Drain can help bring peace back into your home.
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